Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
too bad you live with your parents still
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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