Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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