Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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