I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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