My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
