I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
