I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
