we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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