There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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