i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
