girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
