Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
