my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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