remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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