Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Two words: nipple clamps
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