my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.