Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
