If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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