You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
