and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
