He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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