she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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