CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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