One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
