I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
