Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
