if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
