sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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