The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
