Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
