Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
