So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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