Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
