When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
