dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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