Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
