just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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