I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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