if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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