$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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