my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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