I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i think my cat just said my name.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
