i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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