i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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