The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
