I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
