Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
