I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
