He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize