A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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