So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
