I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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