I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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