Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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