I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
