i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
