the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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