Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize