..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
