If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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