I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
