Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
