i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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