you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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