i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
