I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
