i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
