you would pick up someone in the library
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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