they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
