i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
